


what's yours are always mine; hhj, hyj.

by arrowthroughtheheart



Category: ITZY (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Musicians, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 09:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18178841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrowthroughtheheart/pseuds/arrowthroughtheheart
Summary: There are countless things I took away from you, and in the end, I wonder if I've asked for your forgiveness enough before they took you away from me.





	what's yours are always mine; hhj, hyj.

**Author's Note:**

> ok so they're siblings and this is about to get real angsty real quick. as usual. buckle up ig if u wanna. ;)

_I don't like the way they look at me,_

_Like I'm over-shadowed by their fantasy._

_It's not my fault, they should just let me be,_

_If I'm not perfect, but I can't say that I'm sorry._

 

The ringing in Yeji's head slowed down to a stop, muffling all the sounds from the outside world that she refuses to hear. Why would she? They're all talking about  _him_ , always; in a way or another. His perfect, beautiful, talented, kind, down-to-earth, flawless older brother.

They don't have that much in common, aside from the fact that they do have some striking resemblance to each other, starting from the eyes and the nose; but of course no one paid her the attention they always pour all-over Hyunjin's face. Yes. Her older brother's name is Hwang Hyunjin; and he's everything that anyone wish they could be.

He's tall, gorgeous  _and_ handsome; just good-looking in all the dictionary words possible to find on his beauty, smart, and nice, and a good-boy, Yeji could go on and on listing all the things that Hyunjin is.

Forgetting the fact that she, also; does all the thing Hyunjin does.

Just... less on the spotlight.

She doesn't feel the need to show an act of protest against their parents on it, though. Even though their parents are caught-up on the attention and fame Hyunjin has been receiving, at least her older brother isn't.

He's literally a gift crafted by God himself to be the only person in this world who cares about Yeji, and that made her less grumpy about the whole situation.

Even though Hyunjin himself feels like Yeji  _should_ be.

But it's fine, it's all fine. This situation; where they announced the scores for the test and they put it up on the wall right beside their classroom and everyone making way for  _the_ Hwang Hyunjin to walk through since we all know he's about to be somewhere up there and, Yeji; squished in between some of his squealing fangirls as she look at him with curiosity.

"Woah," a gasp came out from his lips, making a few squeals of how 'cute' he is jump out of the few people surrounding them. "Look, Yeji's catching up with me," he chuckles, nudging the friend right beside him who was squinting his eyes to look for his own name. "This is great. Where  _is_ she, by the way? Did you see her?" Hyunjin turns around, looking for the girl who would mirror his own reflection.

Yeji knits her eyebrows together in confusion, thinking about what kind of lie Hyunjin is cooking up in his oven.  _Herself catching up on Hyunjin's genius brain? What nonsense._

She held back a gasp when someone grabs her shoulder and shoves her forward with a bit too much force than expected, but she's still thankful that the person didn't send her books flying out of her bag or something; but she's still the center of attention now, surrounded by curious eyes and silence. Much like what she would give Hyunjin on a daily basis.

She would always eye him curiously while washing the dishes when he; with too much excitement, told their parents about what happened to him throughout the day, and when Yeji got too focused on the stories that the plate in between her fingers slipped, their parents would shout at her, making her flinch in shock. And then Hyunjin would always look like he's guilty for it.

She hates the look on his face during those few seconds before he stood up to help her wash the dishes.

_Always the good guy, that Hwang._

"Yeji!" He gasps, looking like he just saw the world's most rare dragon up close. Of course. His introvert-ed shy and quiet younger sister, out here, in the middle of the field? In broad daylight? Everyone must be dreaming.

"Look here, your rank is right below mine," he pulls her over to the Announcement Board, pointing right at the number that marks the 3rd. 

She looks up at him, and then back onto the board. A dim-lighted hope is lit in her heart, and it made her crack a small smile up at his brother, and then back to the board. She's proud of herself.  _Will their parents treat her as their child now, too?_

"T-that's me," she whispers, pointing at the board to nudge it softly, a chuckle escaping her in an almost in-audible range. Hyunjin hums, clicking his tongue playfully. "Of course that's you. Be more confident, you're my sister," he ruffles her hair before turning around on his heels. "I bet we'll have some good food tonight, Ji!"

* * *

 

A loud slap echoes through the walls, the ringing that comes with it almost deafening.

Ah. The deafening ring that Yeji is used to. It's back to haunt her, in the time she least expect it to.

The slap was aimed at her right cheek, and right after she comes back from the shock of her mother's hand hitting the surface of her cheek and she fell back, looking back up at her with disbelief; she caught the sight of Hyunjin, standing in front of their entrance.

His jaw is opened wide enough for them to almost touch the floor, and his usual eye-smile is gone, eyes turned wide in disbelief, too. Yeji can't believe how many times they mirror each other sometimes; and right now it looks like Hyunjin felt the stinging pain on his cheek, too. "Mom, what's wrong with you?!" He barges into the living room, pulling their mother away from a very scared Yeji before he kneels down to get her behind his back.

"What's wrong with me? Oh, dear, Hyunjin, be a good kid and get away from her, okay? What Mommy does with this troublemaker is none of your concern," their mother smiles a sickeningly sweet smile before her eyes go right back to look at Yeji, the rage not fading away even the smallest bit.

"It  _is_ my concern- Mom, why are you so violent? She's your daughter," Hyunjin stands his ground, not moving even the tiniest bit even when their mother tries to pull him away. "My daughter?! She sure doesn't act like one. Tell me, Hyunjin. Would a nice sister try to beat their brother's scores and get that  _close_ to beating him in terms of education? How could you forgive her?!"

Yeji is shaking behind the confused figure of Hyunjin's, and she's not able to take more of their mother's frustration on her. No.  ** _His_** _mother's frustration on Yeji being almost as smart as her son who is Yeji's brother._

"Mom! That's not okay to do. It's also illegal, she's a minor. Keep your hands to yourself or you won't see me trying to make you  _proud_ and I'll shame you in front of your friends, would you like that?" Hyunjin leans forward to state a point, and once their mother stops trying to pull Yeji away while thinking about Hyunjin's threat, he took the chance to run upstairs with his sister.

 

She's fine.

She usually treats her bruises and scars on her own, but having someone help is kind of nice, too. Hyunjin's not that much of a help since he's afraid of seeing what other things had happened to Yeji while he's not around, but he's now standing on the door, both of his arms crossed over his chest while his feet is tapping to the ground in a fast-paced rhythm. He looks pissed but confused, and every 5 seconds he looks up to see Yeji holding a block of ice up to her cheek.

"This is not  _fine,_ Hwang Yeji," he begins, peeking outside to see if their mother followed them to his room. "Heh," she laughs. "That's nice of you to remind me that I'm  _still_ a Hwang."

Hyunjin frowns at this, not knowing what to say but also not trying to be offended over such small matter. "Would you rather not use the name?" He squints his eyes, trying to figure out if his question is offensive, but Yeji's chuckle made him think otherwise. "As much as I'd like to, no. You're a Hwang and you're the only family I've got left," Yeji stands up, about to head to her own room. "The only one that matters, anyway. Get some sleep, Hyun. They'll do worse things to me if they find out that I'm making you sleep out of your night curfew."

The mocking wink that follows right after that sentence made Hyunjin's worries lessen a little bit. "Goodnight, Ji?"

"Hm. Night, Hyunnie."

 

.

 

Yeji stuffs her sandwich inside her bag, quickly but as silently as possible since she has to get out of the house before her parents wake up since she doesn't want a nasty verbal  _or_ physical confrontation, and usually going out of their so-called home before 6 AM does the work enough. What she's not ready for, though, is for Hyunjin to be outside even before she locks the doors.

She gives him a questioning look, with a box of milk on her hand and her house keys at the other.

"Why are you awake?" She whispers, raising an eyebrow at his unusual earliness. Hyunjin had his eyelids closed. "Hey, 'm being nice. Still sleepy, though," he replies, slurred and mumbling since he's not fully awake yet, and Yeji rolls her eyes. "Go back to sleep,  _princess,_ the school doesn't start until another 3 hours. You're just going to sleep on your desk and that's not cute."

"Why are  _you_ awake, then?"

This question irks Yeji a little bit, and she doesn't want to be; since it's Hyunjin asking. It's her nice, caring, older brother, and she should never snap at him.

"Oh come on, Hyun. Not even a detective is needed to know why I've been avoiding all of  _you,_ my entire family," she sighs, running a hair through her ponytail. It gives her the slightest jolts of anxiety, though, as she look back to all the times where she'd get her hair pulled and they would throw her against the wall for simply not talking in the right  _tone_ when Hyunjin is around, so she stops touching her own hair.

Yeji swears that her parents act like Hyunjin's some type of God; and they're so proud that he's made by  _them_ thay the following children will just have to suffer. The following children turns out to be the following  _child,_ and that means Yeji has to just suffer alone.

_Heh. Even Jesus' parents doesn't have this syndrome. Why do they?_

 

 

"Yo."

Someone pushes Yeji's shoulder forward, shocking her while she's in the process of writing the lyrics to her songs. Luckily enough, she manages to have a strong hold on her guitar or else it'll be flying away to the cold river down below. She looks over to find Hyunjin, playing with his lollipop while contemplating over something.

"We need to get you out of the house. Me too, in the process, if we can, but make sure they don't also blame you for it- Wow, what is that? Are you writing a song? Let me see," Hyunjin smiles, his eyes gone with the way his lids almost close everytime he smiles. "No?" Yeji frowns, closing the book before hiding it behind her back. "Lemme see!" He pouts this time, speaking in a higher tone that he knows will annoy Yeji until she gives him the book.

"Ew, did you just-"

"Ji, I won't laugh at you. Come on. If you show me your song..." he contemplates about something again. "I'll show you mine. Don't ask any questions, just shake my hand."

"Wait, Hyunnie writes songs?!" Yeji chuckles, fighting the fast hands of her older brother trying to snatch the book away from her back. "You do too!"

Yeji freezes, a smirk playing on her face. "Oh, yours better be good because I don't show this to anyone and I'm not about to start," she mumbles, and this made Hyunjin roll his eyes. "Ji, we're basically the same person, come on, you can just say Hyunjin writes it; that is if  _anyone_ gets to see your songs." 

"You listen to a song not see them, you idiot!"

"Just- on the count of three, okay?"

"Okay."

 

Reading the infinite number of layers on Yeji's song-writing book made Hyunjin's depression sky-rocket through the roof, if it was possible to multiply on the first place. He never knew the world was such a grim and cold place for her, and the guilt eats him up even more when he knows he never tried to make it better, only until recently where he starts to feel like she's also his responsibility since...

He knows it's hard for their mother to be a single mother.

He also knows it's hard for Yeji and himself to see another guy every other night with their mother, hanging around her until they latch off every single coin that she has that night for their own good; it's not easy. It's also not easy when one of her boyfriends start making fun of either Yeji or himself for looking way too 'pretty' for their standards, and that's where their mother would either kick them away for insulting Hyunjin or letting them stay for insulting Yeji.

And the ammount of inappropriate looks her sister received.

He should've known better.

He should get her out of this situation. 

He should.

"Ji?" 

His sister hums in response, still looking at Hyunjin's pages of lyrics filled with angsty teenager-problems, squinting to understand a word too bizarre for her to understand. "What do you say about us making music, huh?"

* * *

 

Another kind of sound that disturbs her echoes through the wall, but this time, it also made her smile. Some people are amazed of her. And they're showing their appreciation.

Hyunjin decided that he and Yeji would have to perform in front of the kids in their school sooner or later, and they finally found the perfect timing. It was quite out of place for them to perform in a 'Cooking Day', but that was the only time of the year where they open a stage big enough for a few instrument and their speakers to be on, and the Hwangs  _would_ mind waiting another half-a-year for the End of The Year celebration.

The audience clapped for them, obviously, since their talent can not go unnoticed and Hyunjin has a few little fans himself, and since she's way up there on the stage with stage make-up and her own aura or new-found confidence, some of the students were in awe about how beautiful Yeji is, too.

Clap, clap.

To some people it may not be much, but, to Yeji; the girl who has only dreamed about getting this much of a positive attention? She could literally die from happy tears.

 

"That's really good, though. How about we both sing the chorus since you can hit that note-" their basement's door is slammed open by the strong force that is their mother, cutting off Hyunjin, who is trying to explain what they're going to record next. He rolls his eyes, annoyed, while Yeji is beginning to curl up into her usual defense-position. Hyunjin notices his sister's behaviour and put his hand over her shoulder, smiling calmly.

"You  _two_ ," Mrs. Hwang steps down, eyes squinting judgementally on whatever her children are doing. "I would blame just one of you, but the other would be offended that I don't involve them. So. The two of you. You two made a bit of a fuss with your so-called talent in music," she holds her nose high in the air, nudging Yeji's guitar softly with the tip of her noisy heels. "Or so I've heard?"

Hyunjin nods, looking over at Yeji, who's slightly a bit more confident since she pulls her guitar away from their mother's foot a few seconds ago. "Yeah. Why? Do you have a problem with it?" He avoids eye-contact, not wanting to receive any secret signals his mother is about to share about Yeji.

"We actually can't help what people like," Yeji chimes in, the first surge if bravery in a few years pushing her to say things she wasn't supposed to say out loud. But she dipped her toe in the water, why not just jump right in? "Or what they  _dislike_ ," she continues, keeping her eye-contact with their mother.

The silence that follows after she said that made her frown, but their mother took a step back, looking slightly offended, so that gives Yeji enough satisfaction on its own.

"Yes, yes, you might be right," Mrs. Hwang nods, pulling an envelope out of her back pocket, folded neatly and carefully. It might be one of Hyunjin's many chances for the future; nobody knows, a scholarship, maybe? An invite to do something, somewhere? All of those things are a possibility for Hyunjin, and this thought leaves a bitter taste on Yeji's tongue as she look at the pinkish envelope with the least amount of disapproval as possible.  _At least she tried not looking pissed off?_

"As usual, anything our Hyunjin does will always be great and people will always notice his hard work," their mother starts again, eyes filled with pride and greed for something  _greater_ for her son. She's always that way. "Me? What did I do?"

Hyunjin took the envelope in his hands, scooting over closer to Yeji to open them and both of their pair of eyes scan through the formal but short content of the letter. Yeji's eyes turn wide, a smile decorating her face.

"Hyun! Congratulations!"

 _As usual, indeed, Mom._ "See? Remember what I told you? If someone notice your talent they'll want you to sing for them, or whatever. Mom, I told Hyunjin he would make it-"

The sound of Yeji praising him distanced itself from Hyunjin's ears, the ringing sound that his sister usually hear latching on to her brain now attacking him without any warning. He feels dizzy. He wants to ask questions. He really does. But he can't, there's just something in the way his guilt is eating him up and how genuinely happy Yeji looks for him. He can't mutter a word.

"Let's start thinking about what song you're going to be singing for the  _audition,_ then," Yeji nudges his shoulder, a soft giggle following right behind. "Woah. Now I can brag about my brother being a musician, too, to top off all of the fame he already has. If you're famous don't forget to buy me more food, okay?" She flips through their song book, fingers grazing through each page of paper.

"B-but, Ji," Hyunjin frowns. "Aren't you... auditioning too?"

Yeji shakes her head, an eyebrow raised in confusion. "No? The letter clearly states your name, wouldn't it be weird if I also just show up tagging along?"

"But isn't this  _your_ dream? Yeji, I was just doing it with you because you told me you would never go to our busking events alone; it's just not  _fair_ if now I'm the one who they're interested in hiring as a musician?" Hyunjin shakes his head, standing up to look at their mother. "If Yeji's not doing it, I'm not going to do it, too."

"Wait, no, Hyunjin-" Yeji stops her brother from running up the staircase, since she knows all too well that if he does, there's no reasoning with him or pulling him out of his room. 

"Hyun, that's just the way life goes, sometimes. Everyone doesn't always get the things they want, and some might look like they're not going to get what they want, but it turns out they only have to work harder for it. I'm fine with working harder to get to fullfil my dreams, I promise. But you; and I'm saying this as a younger sister and a great observer, by the way," Yeji chuckles when Hyunjin rolls his eyes, nose scrunching up in disgust. "I feel like you also enjoy doing  _this_. If you make it out of the audition, you just do it more professionally, after, you know? I feel like there are people out there who would appreciate your music and how it can speak to them, too."

Hyunjin frowns, looking back and forth at their mother and Yeji.

"What do you say? Can you give it a try?"

* * *

 

 

_The number you're calling is not picking up._

_Please try again._

 

 

The girl plops down the park's bench, a sigh coming out of her mouth. She slowly blinks up at the sky, taking in as much as the view of the night stars as she can, the gentle strums of her guitar lulling her to her dreamland. She wishes it would be that easy. She wishes she'd have someone to at least try and listen.

The familiar beeping of the voicemail she's so used to shocked her, and she jumped a little bit from the sound, laughing at herself for being that big of a coward. 

_"Hi, it's Hwang Hyunjin. If I'm not busy right now, I'm probably sleeping. Call me back in a bit, okay?"_

She curses at her phone's screen, the dilemma in her chest building up no longer exists. She decided, and she's not going to change her decision. There's nothing in this world that could save her now, and she's not even blaming the world for any of it.

She blames herself.

She took her last stroll around the park in front of the abandoned building she was heading to, smiling at how great the weather is that day.

She puts her guitar down, questioning herself at how much a musical instrument could carry her back in time, to a few years ago where her brother still exists, her brother who understood her, who wrote songs in the basement with her, who she would chase around with her drumsticks and notebooks, throwing erasers at him or crumpled-up papers.  _Those were some good days, Hyunnie._

It also reminds her of all those times she has to go up on the stage of some café alone late at night, strumming the kind of song that people like, smiling at the people who were smiling at her, making her feel appreciated.

She slips her folded note underneath her guitar case, blew her last kiss for it before walking away. Away from the bench on the park and away to the place where she hopes she'll find peace.

 

.

 

Hwang Hyunjin is sweating, the buzz from the crowd at the closing of their concert made him excited, and no one could calm an excited Hyunjin down. Not even his band-mates. 

"Hyunnie! You've got a phone call!" Seungmin; their manager, calls out from their waiting room, met with the eyes of a-half-drunk and pouty Hyunjin walking in like a diva. "Hey! Only my sister calls me that, how did you know?" He raises and eyebrow, slipping in a wink in between his slurred sentences. Seungmin groans, walking away backwards before he slams the door shut.

"Hyunjin has a sister?" Bangchan whistles, nudging the said man with the tip of his shoe. "Stay away, she won't like you," Hyunjin frowns, laughing when his friend pretends to cry, closing the door behind him as he greet his sister.

"Ji! Were you in the crowd? I didn't see you at all. Oh- or are you busy doing something somewhere?" Hyunjin asks, cringing at himself for asking the exact question that could make Yeji feel guilty.  _Stupid, Hyunjin, way to go._

_"Hyunnie. I'm calling to say good-bye."_

Hyunjin's eyes went wide.

After leaving home and living in their dorm with his band-mates, his guilt is making him imagine all kinds of bad scenarios with Yeji, and everytime it happens he can't help but drive all by himself back home, making sure Yeji is sleeping safe and soundly on her bed and their mother would receive a long speech from him regarding Yeji's safety and what to do and not to do. And that's why the exact thing in his mind right now,  _is not pretty._

At the exact same time, Changbin opens the door behind him to cling onto his shoulder, asking him what's going on since he over-heard their phone-call and he thought Hyunjin was shouting at Yeji for one reason or another.

"W-what?" Hyunjin stutters. "Good-bye? Where are you going? Did you tell Mom? I'll drop you at the airport, our concert is finished!"

_"Hyunjin, you know what I mean. Please, don't make this harder for me."_

"I'm doing exactly that! Ji, where are you?"

_"...if I tell you, you'll find me way too fast."_

"Please tell me. Ji, don't do this, please- There are people who love you,  _I do._ Don't do stupid things, please?"

_"Hyunnie, I'm so sorry. I love you too, I really do. Please tell Mom that I love her too."_

"I will, Yeji, just stop doing what you're doing. I will meet you as quick as I can, just hang on, okay? Changbin, give me the car keys!"

_"Okay, Hyun. I'll hang on."_

_"I'll **hang** on."_

...

...

The sound of the phone hitting the ground just a mili-second before the phone-call cut off made Hyunjin scream; hysterically, and that made the rest of his band-mates run behind him, asking questions to each other, with Changbin all the way in front of them, trying to catch up to Hyunjin while holding his car-keys.

"Hyunjin, be careful-"

Bangchan's advice were muffled by the roaring machine of the car speeding away into the silent roads of the night.

* * *

 

 

_Hey, Hyun._

_I know it felt like you took everything from me. Anyone with two eyes can and will have those few, judgemental words as their conclusion. But it's okay, because I don't feel like you did._

_No one can take anything away from anyone, it's just that everybody in the world knows what you're doing and they refuse to acknowledge mine. See? It's not your fault, it's other people's fault instead._

_But I'm not here to point fingers._

_I'm here to say sorry._

_I'm sorry that I had to make you feel sorry; everytime I did a mistake and mom would get pissed at me but you'd feel sorry for not helping me enough? Do you feel like you're responsible for this? If so, don't be._

_I know you felt like you let fame get into your head, but you really didn't. You're a busy guy with a busy job, and me and mom understand that. She's fine, by the way, don't worry._

_I just wrote this letter, not knowing when I'll give you this, just so you know._

_I'm sorry._

_Ha._

_I felt like I haven't asked for any of your forgiveness. Not before the world took you away from me, and it's really hard these days to find enough time to cry and ask for it with you these days._

_You're an amazing older brother, Hyun, even though sometimes you're still a little bit of an idiot._

_Hey we should really write songs again sometimes! Our friends were asking about when we'll sing together again, too. I should tell them; maybe after hyunjin returns from military service, huh?_

_See you really soon, Hyun!_

_hughug from yeji^^_

_._

_._

**Author's Note:**

> HEOEHWHEJ THAT TOOK ME A WHOLE DAY.  
> it felt like the plot was going nowhere but i rlly need the background to build up rlly well but i don't even think i did it that good:(  
> anyways.  
> it's done.  
> or whatever.  
> haha.  
> :(


End file.
